Mutiny of The Afterlife

Introduction

Death. It’s a funny thing actually, when you think about it. One moment you’re alive, battling evil chickens, and the next thing you know is that you’re dead. Now, I know it may seem a little weird and all, talking about this, but, I mean, I should know, mostly because I am dead. At least I’m not the only one. Jimbo’s here, Johnny is, Joseph, Susie, and even Judy (I don’t really know how she made it). Of course I’m here too, or else I wouldn’t be writing this. Clearly you must be wondering about Ellen, and Suzanne. Well I can say one of them is still alive (that would be Suzanne), and, well, the other one, let’s just say she isn’t in a better place.

This whole writing thing is kind of new to me, considering Jimbo is usually the one writing, but he wanted to take a break. Now you’re reading my tale of the story, and I’m naming it after me: “Benny Boy Grasseed, The Afterlife!” Yeah, I know, Jimbo Bobby Tree sounds better, but this is my tale, so stop judging.

You probably still have so many questions like, “How are you dead,” or “When is Jimbo going to write the story?” I can answer at least one of those questions. After The war between the village masters and us, we elected Jimbo as the new master. The first week went fine. Jimbo had a cycle each day, so we wouldn’t have to do the same work every day. He even added new jobs so we’d be able to come up with new sources of electricity. It was my task that day to figure out a way to make chicken bones a fuel source.

I made a machine that burned the bones which releases some type of gas that makes an engine run. It seemed like a pretty good alternative fuel source so I decided to show the rest of the village. We had a meeting in the main hall so I could present. We had plenty of chicken bones from the previous night. Right before I showed them how it all worked, Suzanne had some “business” to take care of in the ladies room. (she held it in the entire opening). She left, but I didn’t wait to show the others. I started my mechanism up and the engine ran.

Apparently the gas released was toxic and we were not in a well ventilated room. We all inhaled it, except for Suzanne, and all fell faint and died. That’s the story in simplest form. That’s how I’m here.

Chapter 1

I must admit, the afterlife is pretty nice. We have wings and everything. We can do anything we want, whenever we want. And I mean ANYTHING. We can conjure things up, talk to animals, and even turn into different creatures. Anything, with the exception of going back to earth.

There are ghosts that still haunt the very planet we used to live on, but they are only the people who got trapped on the elevator ride up here. Sometimes they malfunction, and the dead get stuck. Our elevator operator explained that to us, she was nice, 349 years old, but nice.

Everything up here is wonderful, the world could look however you wanted. Of course I wanted a world that looked like the stereotypical version of heaven, but hey, what’s wrong with silk garments and white clouds? You could also make yourself look however you wanted. Obviously I didn't change one thing about myself because I’m devilishly handsome. There are no rules, and no one can judge you. You can talk to anyone who is dead. Life is good up here, I wish I could say the same thing for Suzanne.

We’d all get together and watch Suzanne back on Earth. It was an emotional time to watch her see all of our dead bodies in the main hall. She was confused at first, and then relieved. She actually celebrated our deaths. I have the feeling she hated all of us. She had all the resources and living space to herself. It must’ve been nice, but not as cool as death!

All the animals were okay, Theodore, Victor, and Rudy all got together and went off back into the wild to spend their lives. Suzanne hadn’t even noticed the lack of their presence. She was fine and happy.

Eventually She got bored being lonely and decided to venture out farther beyond the village. She gathered supplies and built a boat. She was able to explore even farther by traveling down the river, until one day, we watched her find something unexpected. She was taking a long hike in the nearby woods. It was unexplored territory.

Suzanne was gathering nuts and berries from a row of bushes as a man came up to her. YES! A MAN! Living, breathing, human man. I can assume you imagine the shock that she went into. She thought she was the only person left in the world, but then a person showed up! It was just as awkward to watch the occurrence as it must of been for her to experience it. A girl can only take so much trauma before going slightly insane. She fell over limp and faint leaving us to wonder if she had died and was about to take the long elevator ride up to us.

All of us were in shock, too. We sat in suspense as the guy dragged her through the forest, revealing an entire Village. It was huge! There were tree houses and rope ladders leading to each individual housing unit. People were working all around the place. There must have been 50 people! Humanity still had hope, and so did domestic animal populations! There were dogs and cats roaming around too! The six of us looked at each other in awe. Jimbo was the first to speak.

“Well, no need to worry anymore. I’m going back to playing chess with Orlando Bloom,” He said.

“What do you mean ‘no need to worry?’ These people could be evil or something! They could use Suzanne as a human sacrifice for all we know! You may have been the village master back on earth, and you’re still responsible for the position here. Suzanne is our friend and we need to help her in any way we can. You could at least show a bit more concern, your highness,” I said.

“You’re the one who killed us all. It’s your problem now,” Jimbo said and walked away. The others stared blankly at me.

“What do you want me to do? This is a team effort. This village has fallen apart way too many times. Clearly something isn’t working out here,” I complained.

“This is why you should’ve let me be village master instead of throwing me in the snake pit for days,” Judy hissed.

“Like you could’ve done better,” Johnny Snarked.

“Something needs to change. I don’t know what, but if not soon, everything will fall apart,” I said.

“Why don’t we just all go our separate ways? It would be for the best. We’ll all end up just killing each other all over again,” Susie remarked flailing her frying pan.

“There’s a great disturbance in the force, I feel it,” Joseph said, the dang hippie.

“You just stole that from Star Wars dude,” Johnny said.

“Now is not the time to quote star wars, nor is it time to bail on each other. We have to help Suzanne,” I said.

“I don’t really think she needs much helping. The villagers seem to be helping her enough,” Judy said and motioned down to earth.

“Fine, what’s the plan?” Susie asked.

“How can we send signals to earth?” I wondered allowed.

“You noobs still haven’t figured it out!? Hah! It’s simple, with your mind. You can’t touch a person, but you can touch other things. Haven’t any of you watched horror movies? You find an object and put some energy in it, and the earth does the rest. I’ve been toying with those earth freaks all week!” Judy snarked.

Of course Judy was the one to figure it out and already start terrorizing people.

“Well I for one will be using this power for good!” I said.

Chapter 2

Suzanne woke up a little while after. I actually don’t know how long, death time is different than Earth’s.

“Let’s get this over with! I have a chess game to get back to with Johnny Depp,” Jimbo complained.

“Judy, show us how,” I requested.

Judy closed her eyes to concentrate. Down back on earth, a clock by Suzanne’s bed started spinning around uncontrollably. It caught Suzanne’s eyes and she passed out. AGAIN!

“That girl needs some guts,” Johnny remarked.

“Well, that seemed to work,” Susie laughed, “I’d love to see if I could get a dead lobster to do something like that.” She awkwardly caressed her frying pan.

“Look, you guys have fun with this, I’m just happy that I can finally rid myself of animals eating my head, for good!” Jimbo said and walked away.

“I’m just worried about her, who knows what could happen?” Johnny expressed.

“A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking,” Joseph included. I’m so sick of that guy’s stupid sayings, the weirdo.

“It sounds like you have some unresolved issues with Suzanne,” I imply.

“You really think that I like Suzanne!? You idiot! Last time I had a girlfriend, she ripped off my handlebar mustache in the circus. I had nothing to twirl for the final showstopper,” Johnny rebutted.

“Hah! This is nothing! Last time I was in a relationship in Italy, my man took my beret, so I beat him to death with a baguette,” Susie Challenged.

“Isn’t that stuff associated with France?” Judy challenged.

“DO NOT QUESTION MY RELIGION!” Susie screamed.

“That’s impressive,” Johnny complimented. Susie blushed.

“OKAY!” I interrupt, “Let’s get back on track here!”

“There’s nothing we can do, she’s out again stone cold.”

“Fine, but when she wakes up, you all are expected to be here.”

Long story short, she didn’t wake up for a while.

Chapter 3

Suzanne finally woke up again the next day, and that’s when things got good.

Judy was able to possess a frog and send it up to Suzanne’s room. She made it specifically bite off a fly’s head to try and symbolize Jimbo, and she passed out again.

Another villager came into check on her, and was able to revive her. That’s when she started explaining. Even though she had passed out, she was still able to figure out our message.

“All of my friends died, and I’m pretty sure they are trying to contact me from the dead!” she breathed, holding onto her head.

“Well now chicky, what are they trying to say?” The villager said. Just for story sakes, we’ll call him Billy Job Pinecone. “Something about time and losing a head, but I’m not sure.”

“I think we should get you some aspirin...” Billy replied, looking concerned for her mental health.

“Well, now we’re screwed,” Joseph said. I really don’t get that guy.

“We aren’t trying to tell her anything specifically!” I cried. “We just have to tell her we’re okay, and make sure that she’ll be fine as well.”

“Why don’t you just tell her that yourself?” Judy accused.

“Because I hadn’t thought of that!” I admitted.

“Guys, I’ve got an idea!” Johnny announced.

“You always have the best ideas,” Susie said. She winked at Johnny.

“You have the best accent though,” Johnny replied. I was beginning to wonder if there was something going on between the two of them.

Chapter 4

“Everybody get in a chicken’s body, we have to tell her we’re all here,” Johnny suggested.

“I don’t see the good in this, but okay,” Judy said reluctantly.

We all did as Johnny requested, following him in a line as we possessed a chicken’s body. I waddled faster to catch up to him until we were scrambling past questioning villagers to make it into Suzanne’s room.

It wasn’t until we came to the rope ladder that we had to stop.

“Chickens don’t fly you dumby!” Judy ridiculed.

“Says who?” Johnny asked taking a try, but miserably failing.

“The laws of nature you orangatang!” Susie insulted.

“Well we are spirits inside of a chicken, so I say we can!” Johnny argued. He tried again but didn’t get two feet off the ground.

“Suzanne!” Billy called from outside her tree house. “There’s a parade of chickens outside here, I think they’re looking for you.” Just my personal opinion, but he seemed very judgemental.

Suzanne took a step outside her house and climbed down the ladder. Her eyes widened, almost more than mine.

“Guys! Is it really you!?” We all nodded, except for Joseph, who started eating rocks.

“What are you trying to tell me?”

We all gave blank stares until she tried something else.

“Are you okay?” Nods.

“Where’s Ellen?” We all looked down through the ground, except for Joseph who now buried his head in the ground.

“Guys, I’m okay, really. I’ll be okay. You don’t need to worry about me, these guys will take care of me,” she motioned to Billy and the rest of the crew. I smiled, as most chickenley possibly.

She smiled back, and next thing I know, I’m not in the chicken any longer, but back in the sky, looking down at Suzanne, staring at a bunch of now ravenous chickens.

I’m content knowing she’ll be okay, and now, I could finally go play pool with Elvis and Jimbo.

Susie and Johnny ran off holding hands, which confirmed my suspicions that something was totally going on between them. Joseph began having lunches with ancient philosophers, and Judy continued haunting people on earth.

As for me, well, until Suzanne dies and comes up with us, I’ll have to possess chickens on my own time. But until that day, I’ll just delight myself with beating Jimbo and Kanye West at Karaoke.

Jimbo’s Post-Bucket List

Brought to you by the one and only JBT

• Carpool Karaoke with T Swift

• Discuss Aerodynamics with the write brothers

• Figure out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop (324)

• Discover how to divide by zero

• Discover unicorns

• Ask Caesar Augustus what inspired him to create salad dressing.